Thursday, April 4, 2013

What to do if you have a spider in your car:

  1. Notice spider hanging down near steering wheel, menacingly.
  2. Interpret this to mean that you are in imminent danger.
  3. Immediately pull car safely to shoulder of road.
  4. Open window and door.
  5. Swat at spider with junk mail kept in car for this purpose.
  6. Realize passersby and other drivers cannot see spider and think that you have been incited to rage by junk mail.
  7. Smash spider with small flyer.
  8. Add larger catalogue to flyer and continue pressing.
  9. Shut door and resume your original route.
  10. Feel unsafe for balance of trip.
  11. Refuse to drive car until someone (a boy) has checked vehicle for additional spiders.

*These steps can be used for any type of insect, except stinging ones which require you to exit the vehicle to plan your cautious approach.

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