Thursday, February 21, 2013

How to take a 7 year old to gymnastics:

5 pm
Mother alert my child that dinner is ready.
Child eats approximately 3 bites.
Mother replies to business emails.
5:10-5:20 pm
Mother repeatedly reminds her that we are leaving soon so EAT.
5:25 pm
Mother sternly alerts child that it is VERY NEARLY time to go and to get her shoes and coat.
5:30 pm
Mother demands that child puts on her shoes OR ELSE.
Child turns on the Wii.
Mother makes a sound like short circuiting robot and walks out of room for CALMING BREATH.
5:31 pm
Mother informs child to put on shoes or else.
Child begrudgingly puts on shoes; wonders where coat is.
5:34 pm
Child remembers something terribly important but completely unrelated to gymnastics.
Mother retrieves item because she is afraid child will forget to return to car with item.
5:55 pm
Mother and child arrive at destination.
Mother eats cold dinner without chewing.
Child announces need to use the restroom.

The pièce de résistance of this evening was the drive home. My child implored me to hurry home. When I inquired as to why she said she had this terrible thought: what if the car broke down and then when I got out to wave down a car to see if someone had jumper cables, what if I got squished by a car? And then when she asked that person to take her home that person couldn’t because she didn’t know our address. Yes, my child’s biggest concern was that she would be unable to get the rest of the way home. Never mind that this imaginary stranger squished her mother like a bug and was taking her with them. Apparently nagging your child for half an hour straight doesn’t win you the most special place in her heart.

No comments:

Post a Comment